


A Little Late for That

by SpookyBibi



Category: Glee
Genre: Drama, M/M, Nostalgia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-29
Updated: 2012-06-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 19:19:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyBibi/pseuds/SpookyBibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Out of nowhere, nostalgia can get to you. In Kurt's case, regret follows. It doesn't mean you can change the past. As he reflects on a few choices he made, he realizes how life, and happiness, can come down to small things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Late for That

When you’re in your thirties, you start thinking about your youth. About the things you did, or didn’t do. About the people you met and those you let go of. Basically, about the roads that you chose to travel down or the ones life chose for you.

 

 

For Kurt Hummel, the interrogations came only once, at 33 years old. A meaningful setting or time didn’t prompt it. It was just your usual afternoon, stuck in a cramped office, grading French vocabulary tests. Strangely enough, a very kitsch eighties song sprang them. Considering the radio station he let play during those days, some ridiculous tunes were bound to come around. He just didn’t expect one of them to trigger so many thoughts.

 

 

_You're the silent type  
And you caught my eye  
But I never thought that I'd be touching you  
How was I to know  
I'd let my feelings go  
And that I'd be yours before the night was through_

 

 

It’s a merry beat. The lyrics aren’t, for him at least. It brings him back to 2011. What if? The inevitable wonderment. What if, indeed, he hadn’t come across Dave, that night at the bar? What if he had left him alone, instead of being compelled to bring him out of his sulking state? What if?

  
  
_One night love affair  
Trying to make like we don't care  
We were both reaching out for something_

 

 

What if Blaine hadn’t come home alone, frustrated? What if Kurt hadn’t felt like petty revenge was the right thing to do at that moment? What if he had had some qualms about abusing Dave’s obsession for his own benefit? What if he had pushed Dave away again when the jock kissed him? What if he’d said no to him when he offered to finish the night at his place?

 

   
 _When the morning breaks  
We go our separate ways  
If the night was made for love it ain't for keeps_

_  
But I lose control  
As I watch you go  
All my senses say I'm in this much too deep  
Now you're out of reach_

 

Maybe the morning after didn’t have to be so awkward. Maybe he could have stayed for breakfast. Talked it over with Dave, make him understand why he sought him, out of the blue. Maybe he could have tried to fix this mess. Maybe he could have not ignored the pain in Dave’s eyes when he had left hastily.

 

 

Except he did all those things.

 

 

And, really, it didn’t change the world. It didn’t disturb the course of any of their life at the moment. Kurt kept his mouth shut, Dave too. Blaine broke up with him years later, for totally different reasons, and never knew about the affair.

 

 

A quiet life in Lima, with his family and friends, turned out to be what Kurt really wanted. Blaine, in the meantime, aspired to the spotlight more than anything. Therefore, he left. Would it have turned out differently if Kurt had come clean? Maybe. Maybe the only change would have been that they would have broken up way earlier.

 

 

Then again, you wonder. Maybe there could have been some other differences, mostly regarding Dave. Because as much as he wanted (still want) to take that night back, even moreso does he wish he would have dealt with the aftermath.

  
  
_One night love affair  
Pretending we don't care  
Oh - and now we're left with nothing_   
  
  


That has to be the real regret. They are left with nothing, nothing of what they could have been.

 

Kurt still lives in Lima. Two streets over from Dave’s place. They run into each other with a desperate regularity.

 

At the supermarket. On the sidewalk. In their cars, stopped side by side at the light on the boulevard.

 

But they might as well be strangers. No, they’re worse than strangers. The uneasiness floating around them would never be there between strangers. They just nod, smile awkwardly. Not a word is ever said.

 

Because Kurt can’t forget that he used him. To transgress what he thought was an unshakable, on top of that.

 

Because Dave can’t forgive him, precisely for that.

 

So, in trade for that one night, Kurt gave it up. The possibility of friendship, of any kind of relationship, that had slowly emerged between them… It had vanished in an instant. Of course, it didn’t look that way back then. It never does.

 

  
_One night love affair  
Sometimes life ain't fair  
Oh - and not we're left with nothing  
One night, one night, one night…_

 

 

Yeah, life isn’t fair. If it were, he wouldn’t have succumbed back then. He wouldn’t have become a cheater, and hurt a friend doing so. He and Blaine would have fizzled out anyway, except he would have run to Dave’s the moment he got dumped. Dave would have comforted him, told him Blaine didn’t know what he was missing out on.

 

Dave would have helped him get back on his feet. They would have grown closer over the years, until the one night. One night which would not have been an affair then. It could have been this way, but it didn’t.

 

 

And now, he’s 33. Is he happy? Sure, in a way. He’s got a job he loves, friends, a date coming up this weekend. So what if an old song made him wonder about Dave?

 

 

One night couldn’t have meant so much. It couldn’t have altered his destiny that much, could it? Whatever, it’s just a stupid old song. Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics are from One Night Love Affair, by Bryan Adams.


End file.
